Today’s society and culture produce mostly childish men. I don’t think many feel differently. There is much to be said about the causes of this mass decline, but the solution to get out of this situation is simple, it has always been this way.
There is no difference between males and men. It is just that in the case of Homo sapiens (that’s what the people who call themselves great experts call humans) the male is called a man. It’s natural to be afraid of closed definitions when it comes to subjective experience. There are about 4 billion men on this planet, and manhood is experienced differently on a personal level by each of us since our because our bodies are not identical. No one wants to brand masculinity, just as certain logos are associated with a certain status (see Armani, Kelvin Klein, Gucci, etc.), such an approach is completely out of the question! However, on the one hand, we have the biological component of masculinity which is objective and therefore non-negotiable, being male means having XX chromosomes, and on the other hand, the actualization of this masculinity on an individual level implies the subjective acceptance of certain value references and their concrete practice. Values are the stable moral goals that we want to embody in our actions, those qualities that we desire to be defining for our status. However, they become achievable only through their practice and cultivation by each of us in our own subjectivity and individuality. There is no such thing as manhood as a complete definition, instead, there are those assumed men who practice true manly values in the context of their particular personality. But which are these guidelines and what is their meaning as an end?
Man and woman cannot have mutually exclusive definitions, because they exist as complementary parts of the whole that is the family. The purpose of the family is the child and its healthy development, so that people, as a generational continuity, to have the chance to carry life forward. Men’s values are therefore linked to the formation and support of the family and relate to their specific role within this primary social context. There is no such thing as manhood suspended in the void, that is the product of a self-sufficient imagination making sense only to an isolated individual, man exists in and for the family. Even if a man does not marry and have children, this does not mean that his masculinity cannot be actualized in the larger context of the human family. Any social cell where life has continuity because it is protected and nurtured can be called a family. Those who will carry this life forward, the children of this society, need men to support them in the process, men who can show them the meaning of masculinity in their particular context. Although manhood gets its primary identity from the context of the family formed between a man and a woman, many mature men have never had a biological family. However, they surpass so many who are biological fathers, because they have the courage to assume their Creator-given vocation, a vocation that is a continuation of their own biology, a vocation that involves initiative, protection, and resource support for nurturers and assisters (the maternal role) for those (the little ones) who develop and are empowered. So, when it comes to a man’s value orientation I have chosen to talk about adventure, companionship, faith (courage), and justice, but also about the assumption as the sum and foundation of all these values.
1. Adventure is defined in my understanding as an action whose end is uncertain. We are not completely certain about the results we will achieve, but we assume this and initiate actions that allow us to grow and develop. Meeting a young woman and starting a family is a real adventure, one that can take you to the top or into the depths. But to remain uncommitted, always able to escape to the next deadly babe who promises a new form of pleasure different from the irritation that your previous partner brought you, is to remain a childish suckling. This is the portrait of an emotionally immature man who moves from breast to breast and exchanges one toy for another. Staying stuck in the horizon of such adventures doesn’t bring anything truly valuable, on the contrary, it leaves you trapped in a fantasy. Starting a new business that you’re passionate about after you’ve earned a degree and practiced a profession for several years is a real adventure, one whose end can make you rich or poorer than you were at the start. But to remain trapped in a context of comfort and boring predictability, without initiating something that comes from your identity and love of life, will make you accumulate bitterness and feel like you are betraying your authenticity. The real failure isn’t about not succeeding at first, real failure is about not trying at all because you’re too afraid that you won’t succeed and so you’ll lose what little comfort you take consolation in. Those who dare often lose, but when there is wisdom and ownership of the process of development, loss is a lesson, a welcomed lesson that eventually turns into gain.
2. If the value of adventure still survives among today’s men as an idea worth pursuing, after all, YouTube is full of motivational speakers promising to turn us into dominant alpha males who initiate new actions, comradeship’s value has become something almost forgotten, a concept that has almost become extinct. Men form very deep friendships when dealing with hardships that they overcome together. When their unity is harnessed in the struggle for something they each love: country, political ideals, sporting achievement, or perhaps just a harvest/hunt to ensure the survival of their families. True men are born into the fire of battle and perseverance in the face of adversity. They are not the result of today’s wellness spas and shopping malls that anesthetize the good side of aggression. Those oases of pleasure leave today’s young men with the illusion that their masculinity is different from that of their more uninvolved ancestors so that they no longer need to engage in the essential struggle that turns a boy into a man. To have comrades is to have community, and a community is born around a shared love for something that brings us together. We can’t succeed on our own, and that’s because loneliness is toxic to the soul. No one militates against losing yourself in the crowd, but even great spirits who have traversed the heights of life have had companions along the way. Jesus had his beloved disciple, the only one among the twelve who was by his side at the cross, the apostle John. Emil Cioran, the philosopher of despair born out of meaninglessness, had the defender of orthodoxy, Petre Țuțea, by his side as a friend. Beyond his confessed disgust for words, he found comfort in cultivating friendly dialogue, through this space of meaning that two related souls create between them. Only in your little band of fellow adventurers can you have the chance to release your authenticity and become fully alive with others, so that your hearts are freed once and for all from the fear of uncertainty in the light of your experience together. Alone you will never be able to break free from the mirage of your lazy mind or the trap of today’s culture that amputates masculine power because it is too afraid of its strength.
3. I said faith, but ultimately faith, beyond the religious horizon, is about the courage to do the things for which you hope. You need faith when you start a family, and the courage to hope for a beautiful end. When there are so many counterexamples around you, this is proof of the assumption of your masculinity, of the good fight you are fighting. You need faith when you start a new business because there are so many who have failed in their plans. However your constant orientation towards hope, based on the success of others in terms of financial venture in this case, can fuel your courage to start something practical. Looking to possibility requires courage, and assuming the potential for victory requires faith. Remember all these values are interconnected! So adventure is involved in faith, because your hopes, which are actualized by faith, are aimed at things that are not yet, and therefore demand your participation in the adventure of their realization. Faith involves fellowship because people need to be refocused on the values they are aiming for. They need continual pointing to the things they hope to see achieved. Those who are with us in our development process are there to reinforce in us the values, the goals, and the meaning of the struggle we are fighting. We do not exist apart from those who allow us to have the adventure, those who support us and complement us in our weaknesses. So that together we can support each other in the process of adventure, but also invest ourselves through mutual respect and appreciation with the courage to move forward in the direction of the values we have taken on.
4. Justice is mainly associated with those initiatives that are taken against the violation of social rights, together with the restitution of the damage done by the wrongdoer. But justice is much more than that, justice is that place where truth and goodness meet, and those vulnerable to injustice are lifted by the powerful so that they too can have the chance to grow and develop alongside others. We live in a world where the power of the fist and the power of intimidation through violence usually wins out. These two are used by those in power to get what they want and to defend their interests against competitors. But the weak, those who cannot fight for themselves because they lack the means, are often excluded from sharing resources. What makes the situation even worse is that most of those with opportunities do not use their resources to increase opportunities for those who do not have them. So the gap between people ends up growing instead of shrinking. The resources you have, by the very fact that they lead to the recognition of your power on a social level, create an often irresistible attraction and a very intense addiction. However, anyone who possesses a certain amount of power (financial, social, intellectual, physical influence, etc.) understands that these resources can disappear and that they do not have an unchangeable status. Therefore the lie arises in the mind of the one who is enchanted by his form of power, that he cannot consolidate his position only by increasing this power in an unlimited way. A true man, an assumed man, knows that his masculine power is an ephemeral thing. He knows that his power has come to exist based on the community that has raised him, but also that it will continue to persist, only through the community that will remain after him. Humbled by his limitation, he seeks to provide a safe space where others in turn can experience such growth. He seeks to protect, provide, and lead this community so that justice can be done for the rights of the weak. He can do this because he in turn is aware that he has been weak and has been lifted by others who are stronger, but also that in the future he will become weak once again and then he will be supported and protected by others whom he empowered when they were weak.
Practically doing justice often means having the strength to detach yourself from your interests, even to let your public image be damaged so that the truth can be realized, not to be ashamed of being exposed as a failure in various roles you have had to carry out, is something that always involves a cost, a necessary sacrifice. If your child has screwed up, maybe even committed a crime, there is no reason to justify his stupidity and let him not suffer the consequences, because he is yours, and your motivation is more important than anyone else’s. Such righteousness is crooked! Maybe you have a business, and pursuing your interests is something that runs in your blood. But when your financial expansion, blocks the welfare of others justice is demanded. I can’t forget the example of a farmer in my wife’s village, who got permission from the authorities to abstract all the drinking water in the town, all because he was rich enough. He realised the needs of his farm and the villagers were left without drinking water. We cannot speak of a value perspective involving justice when the legitimate needs of others are so easily set aside in the name of personal gain.
There is a need for adventure in men’s lives, for life itself is an exploration full of rewards and dangers. But everyone is entitled to such a journey, everyone deserves the chance to explore life, and to ensure equal opportunities for all is to do real justice. It takes comrades to win the fight for the truth, and for justice to be established for those who demand protection from those who are too selfish in their power. It takes faith and courage to deliver justice in a world where the violent and cunning usually thrive, to hope for a better horizon, a place where justice too can prevail. Finally, assumption, cannot be absent from the real delivery of justice, because in the face of injustice, it takes integrity and loyalty to the truth to call abuse abuse and to fight the fights you must carry on.
5(4+1). I firmly believe that the end and beginning of all these values is ownership. I do believe this because voluntarily submitting to authority, which is allowing others to hold you accountable for your free choices, is the essence of living authentically for a man. It is the effort required to move from being a male to being a man. You cannot become an authority unless you learn to submit willingly and without outside constraints to an authority. We all individually make bad choices, choices that affect our lives. Moreover, in life, especially as children, we have to bear the consequences of the choices of our parents, choices that in many cases have disastrous effects on us and our path. Does this mean that we are victims, that we are powerless in the face of the destiny imposed on us by our family, society, or even the limitations of our bodies? If we choose resignation in the face of our limitations, on one hand, what we are left with is defiance of any value judgment, even in the form of common sense, along with self-justification. Some even go as far as becoming violent towards those who stand between them and their prey. On the other hand, what remains is frustration at the lack of satisfaction and with it victimization, because taking responsibility for one’s failure is too great a burden for some to bear, so others become guilty for their suffering… It is necessary to assume one’s limitations and failures. Only by acknowledging our failures can those needed solutions, along with the process of implementing them, can truly arise. Victor Frankl, the famous Jewish psychiatrist and survivor of the Nazi camps, is a splendid example of what it means to assume the freedom to choose in the face of adversity. In his view, even if any social freedom is taken away from you, you are always left with the freedom to assume your attitude to what happens to you. This is what it means to be victorious where you are, to overcome from within the tragedy that surrounds you from without.
We need to dare to step into the adventure of our lives with others who are doing the same. To practice as a community the faith and courage to have hope for growth and improvement. Only then will we be able to fight passionately for the justice of those who are burdened by evil and therefore cannot fight for themselves .
Do you want to be this man? Will you step into your true potential?
Bibliography:
